Monday, November 3, 2008

Adoi!!!! Sakitnya!

Wow! I didn’t realise that I’ve not blogged in like 2 ½ months! So thought I’d better blog about something before I pop. The thing is what shall I blog about?

Well a lot has been running through my mind of late especially with the impending arrival of my little one. He’s been a very active boy, he’s hardly got space to move around inside so sometimes when he moves, I do feel a sense of discomfort and pain. Sometimes I would “sound” him? Is it wrong?

Will I make a good mum? I always say that I will be a strict yet a loving mum but will I be turn the other way around, where I love him too much that I let him do whatever he wants? What if I spoil him? What if my parents and my in-laws spoil him, thus he hates me for being so strict?

Has my faith in God become lesser? I’ve been reading and praying according to the Supernatural Childbirth book that I read but yet I still fear pain. So where’s my faith? How come I can’t seem to arrest the fear?

How about my confinement? Should I follow those strict “pantang-larang”. What if I cannot stand being tied down? Or should I just be care free and follow the western style? If I follow western style, will I end up will all the pain and aches like how some of my friend’s describe their ordeal because they didn’t follow the “pantang”?

My last check up 2 weeks ago – doc told Kyew and I that baby is a little small. That got me worried and I start eating more than I use too. What if baby is still small? Doc will definitely induce labour and get him out for him to grow outside. What is these 2 weeks, because of my overeating, he becomes too big… will I have a hard time pushing him?

Adoi! I’ve being driven to tears and getting all emo because of these questions! And there’s so much more! The pass 8 months, I was so cool and as the due date approaches…. Gosh!!!!
Lord! I’m crying out to you for peace. Arrest this fear and these negative thoughts in the name of Jesus. You have nailed pain on the cross more than 2000 years ago. I believe for a smooth delivery. I believe that both baby and I will be healthy and no future sickness will overcome our body.

Friday, August 15, 2008


I was watching 712 on Astro last night on the program THS: Investigates. I manage to only catch 2 ½ segments of the program. It was about kidnapping cases in US.

1 segment was about a 13 year old girl who was kidnapped by her next-door neighbour in 1995 and was held captive for 105 days. Of which, everyday of that 105 days, she was raped and physically abused. When the FBIs and the private investigator ambushed her abductor in a motel, she had forgotten her real name because her abductor changed her name and made her call him “Dad”. It's been more than 10 years and she can still clearly recall the horrible incident that happened to her.

The 2nd segment was about a 47 year old who was kidnapped by a stranger when he was 13 years old, while waiting for his mum. He was held captive for 18 months and was physically abused and molested by his abductor. On top of that, his abductor used him to lure other young boys into the abductor’s house. His abductor made him watch what he did to the young boys which was to drug and sexually molest these young boys. Many a times, these boys can’t recall anything because they were drugged and put to sleep. This kidnap victim is now married with children and grandchildren but he cannot get the incident out of his mind even though it’s been more than 30 years. He was crying, when he told his part of the story. The unfortunate part was the case against his abductor was dropped even though he was willing to testify.

I was so disgusted with child molesters or child predators. They completely have no conscience and what’s worse, these cases happen here too. Fortunately for the 2 people mentioned, they were rescued and not murdered unlike the girls and boys we know that were abducted and murdered here, in Malaysia. Take for example, the case of Nurin, they can’t find the perpetrator and murderer.

My little boy is not born yet, but I’m already worried for his safety. That’s why it’s so important for parents to keep a watchful eye on their children. And guys and girls, if you feel that your parents are holding a tight reign on you, it’s really because of your own safety and nothing else. Do understand the anguish parents have to go through when they find they children lost.

I was just stating the case of 13 year olds getting kidnap in US or 5 year olds getting kidnap here. But there are many cases where teens and adults do get kidnap too. I know that many of us think that we’re old enough to take care of ourselves and that we are big size enough to fend off these psychotic maniacs but strength alone is never enough. More often than not, perpetrators have IQs that are higher than an average person. They have strategies and tactics to lure their victims. We just got to be extra careful and when our parent advises us against going out late and coming back home late, listen to them. They know what they’re talking about. It’ll be too late to regret if anything does happen. Don’t even think that God can be taken for granted if we are not submissive to our parents.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Prayer Meeting 080808

Anyone watch the Olympic’s Opening last Friday? Im sure some did. As for Kyew and I, we both missed it. We even wanted to watch the rerun but unfortunately, we don’t know when? Any idea, anyone?

Well, Kyew and I were in church for prayer meeting. You know what, it was like Sunday Service, man. How awesome was that?!

The best part of service was when Ps Henry told Ryan to show the march pass of different nations (participating in the Olympics) and told us to stretch our hands and pray for God’s blessings and also for salvation over these nations.

Anyway, allow me to backtrack a little. Last two Mondays, both of us were in prayer meeting (before the 080808 all night prayer meet). Towards the end of the prayer meeting, a thought ran through my mind as I was observing our church members. Gosh! Kyew and I are the youngest member in prayer meeting other than Poh Yi Wen and David Poh!

I shared this with Kyew and he said, it’s kinda sad that young people don’t like praying anymore. But you know, we were proven wrong! On 080808 prayer meeting…. I really want to thank God for these guys – Dexter, Don, David S., Joseph Gan, Caleb Tan, Johannes, Wei Loong, Larry, Aaron Raj and Ivan Tan. On the 090808 5am prayer meeting, these guys were there – Larry, Ivan Tan, Wei Loong and Caleb Tan.

Hey guys! You ROCK! Thank you for encouraging Kyew and I and changing our minds.
God is looking for servants and not masters….

Tuesday, July 29, 2008


It’s been a draining pass couple of weeks for, more so for these few days. Lack of sleep, datelines to meet, going back to office when I should be in church and worse off, feeling lonely most of the time.

During these times, I can only gather strength from the Lord. When I feel that no one’s there for me, literally and figuratively speaking, it is Him that I draw my strength from. But I can go a little cuckoo sometimes - if I feel down, sometimes I wish I can just jump down the staircase and hurt myself but because of little darling baby, I have to snap out of my thoughts, ask forgiveness, both from God and my unborn child.

I always have to bear in mind, that whatever I think or feel affects the baby – his emotions and thoughts. That’s why I thank God everyday for this little one. When no one’s with me, he’s with me and God’s with me.

I still feel drained out, tired, frustrated but each day that passes by, gets better. I’m definitely looking forward to be on my own two feet again and this scripture definitely helps

Psalm 28:6-9
Praise be to the LORD, for he has heard my cry for mercy. The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. The LORD is the strength of his people, a fortress of salvation for his anointed one. Save your people and bless your inheritance; be their shepherd and carry them forever.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

18 Weeks and going stronger

I’m in my 5th month of pregnancy now. My belly is “Oh so obvious” and I’ve already started feeling the baby kicking since 2 weeks ago. I sure have an active baby growing inside of me.

When I did my 18th week scan two Wednesdays ago, junior curled him/herself up like a ball. Nicholas Aaron asked, “You carrying a baby or a football.” As for me, I think it’s junior’s daddy love and craze for football that makes junior pretend to be a football, curving him/herself in such a manner with hands flying around.

Made it so hard for the doctor to take a good picture. So the scan I got is the lousiest and most blur of all the scans. But take a good look at the scan, you'll get to see the baby's spinal cord. I's the most obvious part of the scan.

I’m really enjoying my pregnancy now especially feeling the baby kicking. Every time the baby kicks, my belly would be bobbing up and down. But whenever I place my palm on my belly junior will stop kicking. So to get Kwang Yew to feel the kick, he cannot place his palm on my belly, he’ll just have to be contented staring at my belly. But the funny thing is, he feels like there’s an alien inside of me. It’s really something new to him.

The kicking will be more obvious when junior grows a little bit bigger and that time, I’m sure Kwang Yew will get to feel the kicks. I actually can’t wait for that moment. I’m especially waiting for the moment where his/her her foot or hand pressing out and that I can see a lump coming out of my belly.

Gosh! Another 4 more months, and I’ll get to carry my little angel in my arms. This is so exciting. Makes the morning sickness and indigestion all worth it.

By the way, I still don’t know the sex of the baby. Waiting for another week or so to do a scan called Target Scan. This scan reveals everything about the baby – sex, heart, nose, lips and etc. My prayer is that I will have a healthy and perfect growing baby and finally, I will also get to do SHOPPING!!!!